What is pushing you? What is pulling you? Follow the pull. It’s the first step toward flying.
“The Universe does not behave according to our preconceived ideas. It continues to surprise us!”
Allow the UNKNOWN to take you to fresh and unforeseen areas in yourself…
10 TIPS FOR BEING THE BEST YOU CAN BE: | By Anne Naylor (personal motivation consultant and author)
1. Know what YOU want
Maybe you have a talent you have longed to express and develop. If not, you probably know HOW you would like to be experiencing your life - perhaps with more happiness, better communications with the ones you love, greater fulfilment in your work. Knowing is deeper and stronger than wishful thinking or hoping. It is a CONVICTION so solid that you can base your life on it.
“There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
2. Engage with your intention
Daily nurture your vision - see, feel, hear how you will be experiencing the fulfilment of YOUR life YOU want, both inwardly and in the world. Use your imagination.
3. Practice your passion - take ACTION
If you have a talent, keep working with it. If you would like to be happier, do things that make you happy. Better communications? Be willing to learn, practice, improve - and make mistakes from time to time. Your intention will speak volumes. Fulfillment? Adjust your attitude.
“Nothing will work unless you do.” ~ Maya Angelou
4. Raise your energy - turn up the heat
Love yourself and be grateful for all you have in your life, RIGHT NOW. Pay attention to your blessings. Look up. Learn to forgive and laugh at the mistakes you make along the way. Each day, feel the enthusiasm for your vision, as if it has already happened. Stay open for the remarkable to take place. It will!
“There are two ways to live your life - one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle.” ~ Albert Einstein
5. Gather positive people around you
Spend time with people who are HONEST with you and supportive for you. Enrich yourself by getting to know others who are actively creating the best for themselves, and learn from them.
“If you have zest and enthusiasm you attract zest and enthusiasm. Life does give back in kind.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale
6. Get rid of what is unnecessary
Clear the clutter! Live lean with only that which you need around you. The feeling of freedom you gain will liberate you closer to what you really want.
7. Organize yourself for success
Find ways of dealing with life’s necessities so that you are not distracted by them. Only agree to do what you will actually do. Learn to say no to what does not fit for you.
“If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.” ~ Thomas A Edison
8. Set no time limits
Learn to live in the present moment and respond to your intuitive guidance. There are times when to act; times when to hold. You will get to know which is which.
“We have time enough if we will but use it right.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Geothe
9. Believe in yourself - believe in your vision
Feeling doubtful? In these challenging times, young children may teach us something. As adults, we can also be persistent in going for what we value.
“A visionary is one who can find his way by moonlight, and see the dawn before the rest of the world.” ~ Oscar Wilde
10. Treasure yourself
Do the things that show you care for yourself: eat foods that serve your body; drink plenty of water; get enough sleep; exercise regularly; make time and space for fun; stay focussed on your vision and intention. Taking care of your health is a wise investment of your time and attention.
“The diamond you are, you wear within you. You can call on its beauty and power when you want to stand forward and dazzle.” ~ Random Soul 7
I saw the left-hand-side of this slide today while I was tumblring around and I thought, “Geez you don’t have to be skinny to feel these ways!”
Any nice, helpful, honest, person should be proud of themselves. Sure, we would feel a bit more awesome if we had the body of our dreams, but our looks are just a small fraction of our identity.
“When I am happy, I see the happiness in others. When I am depressed, I notice that people’s eyes look sad. When I am weary, I see the world as boring and unattractive.” ~ Steve Chandler
Happiness is not a quality easily had by those who fear challenge and difficulty. Happiness, as a matter of fact, can require quite a bit from us if we would develop those traits that produce it at its highest potential.
In other words, happiness is not for the squeamish. It requires us to get our hands dirty in the ditches and mountain sides of life. It requires us to climb and learn and overcome and develop in ways that are not always easy. Here are four reasons happiness is not for wimps:
1. Happiness requires Humility
What it means: Humble people are teachable. They can bend and adapt as they come to see better ways of doing things. They haven’t been made brittle by the calcification of pride.
Why it’s hard: Pride is a stubborn characteristic. It solidifies us around positions and beliefs and ways of doing things. It prevents growth because it claims already to be fully formed, all-knowing and always right. Acquiring humility requires softening pride enough to crack its hard exterior. Such cracks can be humbling events, and often very painful.
How it helps: Humility is to happiness what a gym membership is to health. The gym membership will do nothing for your health if you stay home. But it’s a key to a door that opens you to the equipment and classes that can add greatly to your health and wellness if used regularly.
Humility is that same key to that same door to the personal developmental gym of life. It opens us to self-analysis, allowing us to see and admit to shortcomings and flaws that muck up the gears to happy living. It also opens us to learning from life and from the trials we experience and from other people too – all essential elements to a deep abiding sort of happiness.
2. Happiness requires moving in and out of Comfort Zones
What it means: The old truism holds true for happiness as for everything else: If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got. To increase happiness, changes have to occur, habits have to be formed, unformed and reformed.
Why it’s hard: We can get so used to doing things the way we’ve always done them that the force necessary to course correct can be very difficult to sustain. February is littered with the corpses of broken promises made in January. Sustained change is simply difficult for most people to keep up. Certainly there are ways of making improvements easier, but even acquiring and implementing those techniques and attitudes require effort and will and self-discipline. Steps have to be taken to learn and implement them, after all.
How it helps: Comfort zones are formed around activities repeated over time. They are the result of routine and sameness. The problem is that you can’t grow anything by continuing to do what you’ve always done. Stagnation cannot produce joy. Happiness, on the other hand, is partially the result of personal growth and development, of evolving from where you are to where you can be. There is joy in the process of closing the gap between you and your potential.
3. Happiness requires overcoming Selfishness
What it means: It is front and center at almost every divorce and is locked behind bars with every inmate. It is heart and soul of every act of fraud and theft and tyranny and oppression. It regards the self over others. It wants and grabs and takes. It seeks its own over what’s right. It sacrifices decency and compassion and love at the altar of self-indulgence.
Why it’s hard: Selfishness is the universal character flaw. It permeates the lives of almost all people to varying degrees. It lives in human nature and boils over in a culture that celebrates self-aggrandizement. Children are masters of it and is the natural order of things unless and until we are taught to be otherwise. Selfishness does not need to be taught. But compassion does.
How it helps: One of the great ironies to personal development is that the more we focus on ourselves, the further happiness drifts from us. But by losing ourselves in service to others, the more we find our true inner selves. By hoarding, we lose. By giving, we gain so much more than we give.
4. Happiness requires retraining Thoughts
What it means: Our thoughts create our reality. If we dwell on the ugly and the corrupt, on the negative and salacious, we sink in the thick liquid of anger and disillusionment and frustration, cynicism and despair.
Why it’s hard: Bad habits are hard to break. Good ones are hard to acquire. They require consistency which is hard to sustain. Habitual thoughts are harder still because they are such subtle things, sneaking in when we are not looking. Retraining our thoughts takes constant vigilance and commitment. It requires monitoring our feelings as the barometer of our thoughts and our words as the indicator of what and how we think.
How it helps: As we think, so are we. If I think life is unfair and cold and vindictive, I will feel that reality. But if I think life is an adventurous joy, that the challenges of life are meant for my good, that it is my task to figure out how life is trying to guide and direct my path, then the attitudinal reality will be completely different. And so will the level of happiness available to me.
So Now What?
In order to have a life of growth and happiness, you must be vigilant in recognizing and overcoming the obstacles life and human nature place in the way. As you learn to recognize the trouble spots, take steps to build your ability to transcend them. Develop the characteristics that break down those obstacles.
Set goals. Make them small and incremental. Take small but regular steps toward the needed improvement. Don’t get overwhelmed by the amount of work you may have. Set the smaller goals and focus there. One or two at a time is usually plenty. The big picture will come as you lay the smaller bricks.
Will Smith’s dad once took Will and his brother to his store to rebuild a brick wall he had torn down. Will was 12 and his brother was nine at the time. They complained it was an impossible task for two so young. It took a year and a half to finish, as a matter of fact. But when they were done, their dad looked at them and said, “Now don’t you ever tell me that there’s something that you can’t do.”
They learned the lesson of one-brick-at-a-time. We can build amazing lives of deep and lasting happiness much the same way.
And in the meantime?
Enjoy the journey! Happiness doesn’t need to wait at life’s finish line of life. You can take it with you as you build happiness upon happiness, one character trait, one practice, one habit and one principle one brick at a time.
“Every aspect of my life is changing: career, relationships, health, and beliefs. I have to make the most of every situation and so I’ve created my own set of rules to keep me focused and to remind me that all will be well. If you’re also dealing with a challenging time, these guidelines may help you, too…”
Take a Deep Breath and Remember | by Lori Deschene
“Wisdom is the right use of knowledge.” -Charles H. Spurgeon
There is very little new wisdom; there are just new ways of understanding and applying what we already know. That’s not always so easy to do. We have an amazing ability to drown out our inner guidance with worries, stresses, fears, and judgments. If you find yourself doing that today, take a deep breath and remember:
It’s okay to be down sometimes. Once we accept and understand how we feel, we can discover what we need to do to feel better.
It’s okay to feel lost and confused. Acknowledging this is the first step to finding direction and clarity.
It’s okay to make mistakes. So long as we learn and grow from them, it’s the same as making progress.
It’s okay to disagree. This is how we learn to honor our values and priorities without negating someone else’s.
It’s okay to feel terrified. Feeling scared and uncomfortable is often a sign we’re doing what we really want to do.
It’s okay to enjoy this moment, even if you have things to accomplish. There will always be more to do—this is much is guaranteed. Time beyond this moment is not.
It’s okay to take time for ourselves. We are the only ones who can recharge our minds, bodies, and spirits.
It’s okay to struggle with all of these things. Peace is accepting that we are imperfect, and doing the best we can with what we know right now
Dalai Lama’s 18 Rules for Living
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:
- Respect for self
- Respect for others
- Responsibility for all your actions
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
“Happiness depends upon ourselves.” ~Aristotle
Where is the line between your happiness and the happiness of others?
A lot of people blur the boundary and hang their happiness on others. Unfortunately by doing so, they pretty much guarantee unhappiness for everyone involved. No matter who is in your life, whether it’s children, spouse, friends or family members, your happiness has to come from within first.
But isn’t it better to give of yourself and make sure others are happy? Isn’t that the selfless thing to do?
NOPE. And I’m going to go as far as saying that hanging your happiness on the happiness of others isn’t selfless at all – it’s totally selfish and puts unfair and unrealistic expectations on others.
Don’t believe me? Let’s look at a couple of examples…
People who have a very selfish idea of happiness are only happy when everyone around them is happy. They also believe that unhappy people should make more of an effort to be happy because it’s not fair to inflict their unhappiness on others.
By hanging your happiness on others in this way, you basically sign yourself up to a roller coaster of emotions as you ride the moods of people around you. You can also make things worse, telling the people around you to be happier because it hurts you to see them unhappy.
Holy pressure, Batman! By telling others this, you’re being way selfish and saying: you are now responsible for my happiness. Too much of this unasked-for responsibility and you’ll end up pushing away all your close relationships, because honestly, who wants to deal with that kind of responsibility?
Rose Nielund from Golden Girls is a classic example of this type. She needed everyone around her to like her and to be happy all the time. If not she would hound them, doing nice things for them and pushing them to be happier so that she could be happy. Of course the opposite usually happened, with people just getting frustrated with her and telling her to leave them alone.
I used to be a Rose but once I learned to find my happiness from within and to not hang my happiness on others, everyone around me (including me!) became a whole lot happier. My close friends and my partner no longer felt responsible for my happiness. They could be themselves, including cranky, irritable, or whatever emotion they were feeling, without having to consider how their mood would affect me. Of course, this doesn’t mean they’re free to take bad moods out on me, but if they’re having a bad day, I’m no longer pushing them to cheer me up.
The happiness pusher takes responsibility for everyone’s happiness and get hurt when everyone isn’t all smiles and kittens.
This type often appears in one half of a couple or in parents. They always do things for the other, “taking care” of partners or children, but in reality they’re not paying any attention to what their partner or children really want, nor do they understand that what’s going on in the other person’s world has nothing to do with them.
They push their idea of happiness on the people in their lives. An extreme example of this would be Bree Van de Kamp from Desperate Housewives. She has a very clear idea of what would make everyone happy and she sees it as her duty to tell everyone exactly how they need to behave and what actions to take to be happy. Of course this makes for great television full of laughs and drama, but in real life it’s a bit stressful.
A typical real life example would be parents who stick their kids into activities that they would have loved to do as children but didn’t get the chance to. And while parenting does require taking some responsibility for the happiness of your children, it does not give you free reign to tell them what will make them happy.
Like people who have a selfish happiness, happiness pushers get offended when the people around them aren’t happy. They see it as a personal failing in themselves for not being able to please others, to keep them happy, so they start pushing more, coming up with ways to make others happy without asking what the other person wants and without giving the other person any space to deal with their happiness on their own.
If you’re a happiness pusher, here are two tips that might help you internalize your happiness instead of pushing it on others.
- The world won’t end if the people around you aren’t always happy. It’s okay to be sad, angry, depressed, or whatever every once in a while.
- Everyone is different. What might make you happy won’t necessarily make others happy. Let people choose for themselves what dreams to pursue and what to feel at any given moment.
Of course, there’s an extreme on the other side where the happiness of others doesn’t matter at all and you’re selfish and pushy in a completely different manner. Like all extremes though, there’s a middle ground to be found, a happy medium if you will.
If you really want to make other people happy, be a happy person yourself. Most people like to be happy and studies have shown happiness is catchy. You don’t need to push your happiness on others, or demand that they be happy to keep you happy.
You just need to be happy on your own. That’ll go a long way to making others happy.
And if they’re having a bad day, then go ahead and try to cheer them up, but recognize that sometimes people need to be unhappy for whatever reason. They need to feel blue. That’s not a bad thing – the so-called negative emotions are a part of human existence and shouldn’t be shunned. So let them have a good wallow and continue to be happy on your own. They’ll eventually break out of it and come join in on the fun.
Unfortunately sometimes the unhappiness of others does affect your own. After all, human beings are also social creatures and if you want to go do something fun but your partner or friend is being a total downer, you’re likely going to feel a little blue as well. Sometimes, however, for the sake of the relationship you simply have to accept this other-person-induced sadness for a little while as they work their way through what’s bothering them.
And at other times you may need to go off and do your own thing. Yes, they might get mad at you for “abandoning them” but they’ll get over it. And if they don’t, then you might need to ask yourself what sort of relationship do you have with them?
As for how to find happiness within? Well, that’s a whole other post…
This very day, two individuals are vying to be your personal adviser. The first, whose name is Fang, dresses in immaculate business attire, carries a briefcase full of neatly organized folders, and answers all e-mails instantly, via BlackBerry. In a loud, clear, authoritative voice, Fang delivers strong opinions about how you should manage your time. Fang’s résumé is impressive: fantastic education, experience to burn.
The other candidate, Buddy, wears shorts, a tank top, and a rose tattoo. If you question the professionalism of this attire, Buddy just smiles. When you ask advice on a pressing matter, Buddy hugs you. There are almost no words on Buddy’s résumé (the few that do appear are jokes and song lyrics), and in the margins, Buddy has doodled pictures of chipmunks.
Who will you hire to advise you?
Yeah, that’s what I used to think, too.